Memoirs — Denise Needham

Letters to Lee

Denise Needham has been a pioneer in the women’s and lesbian communities of Southern Saskatchewan. She is a skilled commercial carpenter and has taught many other women and men building and repair skills. In response to questions about whether she had problems as a female carpenter she says, “Absolutely none. People want a good job done. It doesn’t matter if you are a woman or a man.” On March 14 2012 Lee Anne Tennyson, Denise’s lover and life partner of twenty plus years, died. Denise began a blog Letters to Lee to help capture her memories and to share them with those wanting to know what the experience of losing a life partner is all about. SRSD is grateful to Denise for allowing us to publish a few of her messages. To read the entire Letters to Lee visit Denise's Blog at deniseneedham.blogspot.ca.

1) Love Liberates
2) Similarities and Differences and Things We Have in Common
3) Lee's Ashes at Grasslands

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Sunday, 27 May 2012 - Love Liberates
by Denise Needham

I was watching Oprah's show tonight and Maya Angelou was on Masters Class. She told a story of her taking her dying mother home with her where she provided for her care.

"I am grateful to have been loved and to be loved now and to be able to love, because that liberates. Love liberates. It doesn't just hold—that's ego. Love liberates. It doesn't bind. Love says, 'I love you. I love you if you're in China. I love you if you're across town. I love you if you're in Harlem. I love you. I would like to be near you. I'd like to have your arms around me. I'd like to hear your voice in my ear. But that's not possible now, so I love you. Go.'" — Dr. Maya Angelou

She went onto say "I loved you". Not "I love you" but rather "I loved you". This is something I have not yet said. I loved Lee. Past tense.

Well I sure did love Lee. We laughed when we thought about it. I remember writing Lee a list of 10 ways I felt her love. One way that I particularly remember was "I feel loved when I come home from work and find a hunk of frozen meat on the counter!" This meant she at least thought about supper and she relieved me of that task. I still went ahead and cooked a meal with that hunk of meat but she had made the decision what to have for supper. And that was BIG for me. That was love.

We also said 'Good morning" and "good night" to each other every day without exception when we woke up together and when we went to bed. Those words were like cement for our relationship. They sandwiched the day. Anything that happened between "G'Mornin' and 'G'Night" was all manageable and everything was AOK with the world.

We showed our love in practical ways. We simply had a great appreciation for each other. I knew Lee moved slower than I did (some people would say everyone moves slower than I do) so I would walk to get the horses, haul saddles, tack horses and generally get things ready so all Lee would have to do was get on and ride. I never resented this. I loved to do it for her. The payoff was enjoying her company when we rode together. Always a pleasure.

When I drove back from Regina today during a rain with windshield wipers going full blast I had an emotional few moments. My vision was momentarily blurred by tears but somehow with the wipers and the rain flying off the windshield, it didn't seem to matter. I don't have words for what I was thinking and the feeling that came up but it did then it passed. I had just finished watching the movie THE BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL. I really enjoyed it and highly recommend it. It's a love story with eccentric mature characters. Everyone in the movie discovers that love liberates. It is quite delightful. This is the first movie theatre movie I went to alone without Lee. She would have enjoyed the movie and we would have talked about it on the way home.

Yes I loved Lee. I loved her a lot. I loved her enough to let her go when I pressed my lips to her left ear and I told her to go through those pasture gates..... I still feel her love........