Memoirs — Denise Needham

Letters to Lee

Denise Needham has been a pioneer in the women’s and lesbian communities of Southern Saskatchewan. She is a skilled commercial carpenter and has taught many other women and men building and repair skills. In response to questions about whether she had problems as a female carpenter she says, “Absolutely none. People want a good job done. It doesn’t matter if you are a woman or a man.” On March 14 2012 Lee Anne Tennyson, Denise’s lover and life partner of twenty plus years, died. Denise began a blog Letters to Lee to help capture her memories and to share them with those wanting to know what the experience of losing a life partner is all about. SRSD is grateful to Denise for allowing us to publish a few of her messages. To read the entire Letters to Lee visit Denise's Blog at deniseneedham.blogspot.ca.

1) Love Liberates
2) Similarities and Differences and Things We Have in Common
3) Lee's Ashes at Grasslands

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Monday, 9 July 2012 - Lee's Ashes at Grasslands
by Denise Needham

I woke up with a clear picture of what I wanted to do. I walked over to the Friesen camp and asked Donna if her family would sing for me at noon and she said yes. With tears in my eyes and a choking voice I told her why. Of course they would. As I rode that morning I thought a lot about Lee and I decided that YES I would leave some here in an area where she had not ridden. She would have loved it here. I made it all OK. I also imagined Mark our cowboy poet reading the Cowboy's Prayer from the service bulletin. He said yes he would. To me it didn't matter where we would be. Any location would be fine. I did not have a need to pick a certain spot .After all I had GPS and could find it again.

Lunch is always near water for the horses. We stopped and had lunch and as we were about to get ready to leave I made eye contact with Donna and they started to sing Amazing Grace. I handed Jet's reins to Neil and I took Lee's ashes out of her saddle bags. I plunged my bare hand into the ashes and scattered them while silently sobbing and walking in a circle. Then they sang Lee's favorite hymn. How Great Thou Art. Well..... What a wonderful experience. When they finished Mark with a shaky voice read the poem. I walked to him and we hugged and I took Jet back and then everyone came and hugged me. I thanked them for their presence.Grown men with tears in their eyes. I loved it. Many commented that Lee would have loved the service and I agree.

At some point it was time to dry the tears and water Jet. The wagons returned the same way they came and the rest of us took off to the badlands again. Doug led us through some amazing areas. At one point we scrambled up a steep area with rocks and dirt sliding off the hill. Horses know if they can handle this. Jet just looked up and picked his way after Doug got to the top. I trusted him, leaned forward a bit to make it easier for him and up we went. What a thrill! What a challenge! What a rush! What a variety of emotions today! What a view from the plateau!! We could see for miles in every direction. What a big wide world.....

I didn't cry on March 31. I was happy and celebrating Lee's life. Today I cried a lot and it was a good thing to do. I don't think it was sadness for me but rather sadness that Lee was not there riding and enjoying the experience with me .I felt loved and accepted and honoured to have these witnesses at the scattering.

Back at camp I realized when washing up that my hand was still covered in ashes. I had been using that same hand to wipe away tears and snot all afternoon during several bouts of tears. I smiled and washed my face and rinsed Lee's ashes away. Today was a great day and now life moves on.